Catch Me - For I'll Fly With The Wind,

a mirage..
a dream..
a rainbow..
a butterfly..

.....I pursued all through my life,
.....but never were able to;

touch it..
feel it..
know it.. !!

Perhaps, this we call life..
Never to know it !! :-(

Remembering Mom

# "Boys of these days.... !! How different we were"

# When I was of your age, I was married !"

# "Let the Dad come, then you see....!"

# "Your cupboard is full of the cloths, yet you don't have anything to wear....!"

# "Call me back the moment you reach....okay ?

# "Finish your vegetables....otherwise you won't get your heights."

# "You don't get tired, listening to the same old stories over & over again ?"

# "You will ruin your eyes, if you gona watch tv all day long."

# "If hairs are wet, don't sleep just below the ceiling fan, you may catch cold.

# "To whom you love most.... ? Mom or Dad ?"

Son Not So Good

During this week long stay at village, my every night were filled with strange dreams.
Many threads and each were in activation simultaneously; coherent, non interfering to others as if daily routine were done from the point where they were left the day last. My dear ones, who have left this visible world, they just appeared as if they were real ones.

Strange though it is, I too participated & lived every night with them. But never shared my night experiences with day light friends. It was of no use, as no one would believe me or I may be categorized otherwise.

It has always been a dream to meet our loved ones departed. And who would not love to. So was I enjoying every bit of it. Lovely mom and others, so near, so close and above all I been shared. Oh God ! I had mother's ear for this one week.

But day light anguish were mine. I could never know that by the first ray of the day light, why & where they go ?

My village home is a large structure, just suitable to have a big joint family in. Its front facing a large mango grove and a quiet big pond in its back. It is so deep that a number of kids have lost their lives by accidental slip & drowning in its past history years. Villagers say these lost ones are all visible-as they are all unsatisfied & unlived souls; just as a dark midnight clock strikes twelve.
It has always been a puzzle to me. Midnight souls, I never came across if any. But losing my night visitors, kept me on suspecting that they all go to hiding there in the deep pond within.

But my mom wont do that for sure. She must be hiding to me somewhere else. May be angry with his son not so good !

My Nights With Fireflies

Once again.........
The night has come with a mild moon on western horizon !
Southern sky, a spotted route of air traffic, blinking light planes, to & fro, east - west.
Below on ground...........
Its silhouette
And darkness scattered everywhere, without any shadows !
And Fireflies....!!
Magnificent, fluorescent tail lights,
Up above the trees, over the pond, all the way, everywhere.....
Light never to end...
Within & without our hearts...
Thanks Fireflies...
We shall keep it up.....
We have to...
As "everything goes onward and forward and nothing collapses".
Irrespective of darkness...
We face the hour alloted...
By destiny upward !!

Born I Was - March The 7th

Her words come to me, as an echo from some distant-deep-down-inn; that I was born as the dinner hour was over in my village home.

Now as she is no more in our Dimension, I find my imaginations soaring high..............

Years back, the first child in a big joint family, must have brought cheers to many hearts. A hustle-bustle in the grand courtyard of the big house, many moving feet in the moonlight up on the head, whispers to share and a 'cry' to listen..........

She might have seen me in a dim light of the lamp in the village of those days, when the electricity was unseen of. I might have caught that intense look of her - because that is what is a still remain on the floors of my mind. She might have conveyed lot to me through that single glance as I even today find that way the most satisfying communication. Words make me uneasy, sometimes they take me to the lands which I don't belong to.

I saw an 'astronomical softy' for that particular hour & place, it says:
Moon:
Az/Alt: +132 24' 50''/+83 28' 00''
Absolute magnitude: 32.56
Magnitude: -11.89
Apparent diameter: +0 29' 57.5''
Distance: 0.00266531 AU
But all that doesn't make much sense to me, except that moon is still there but she has gone to the moon - never to return.

Now as time passes by, more often a voice of celestial texture commands me:
"O My Friend !
Have ye forgotten that true and radiant morn, when in those hallowed and blessed surroundings ye were all gathered in My presence beneath the shade of the tree of life, which is planted in the all-glorious paradise ? Awe-struck ye listened as I gave utterance to ........"
I am trying to reconstruct the lost link of that thread........of that hallowed morning......of the utterance......which 'He' promised........
"and the truth of My utterance should be made evident unto all of you."

Losing Reminds Me

When it comes to Flowers & Smell, I remember my scientist friend Naqvi. His full name was Sayed Abde Mabood Hussain Naqvi
He loved his full name to be called. He often remarked, 'Anjani ! you are the only friend of mine who pronounced my name correctly.'  

During our research period in college of our doctoral degree, in evening's calm & peaceful stroll, often he remarked........ 'Anjani come out of the lab, experience the 'Smell-Zones'.

One day he left me, to his smell zones, leaving me all alone with flowers, smells & tears.........

Thanks 'Ma' !!

Its you that I'm, 

otherwise I may have been a chaos of molecules 

somewhere in cycles of nature !

You desired, I came to existence !

You loved, so I learned to love & be loved !

Your first look might have been right in my eyes, 

so that I still search your beautiful eyes everywhere !

You might have conveyed your assurance in that look, 

so that I still find living some worth !

You looked at me, 

now its my turn to look at you through everything in nature, 

to find you everywhere !

You said, I was the best, 

I still think so, because a mother like you can never be wrong !

Thank you Ma !!

I still love you !!

I still need you, 

knowing that I would never be able to meet you, 

except in dreams.........

(# feb 12th, sat. 2011)